Main image
19th August
2010
written by Adam

Summing up and roughly following the plot lines of the first few Twilight films in parody form, Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) is a angsty teenage girl caught in a love triangle with vampire Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) and werewolf Jacob White (Chris Riggi). Meanwhile, the town of Sporks is being ravaged by a new trio of dangerous vampires and Becca’s friends are busy spinning drama of their own. But how can this all shake out, who will Becca be with in the end and how will teams Edward and Jacob make out?
First and foremost, let’s be clear about this, this is a spoof film, it’s not meant to be taken seriously, anyone who is expecting to see cinematic greatness is sure to be disappointed– that’d be sort of like expecting a Kindergartner’s finger painting to trump a Monet. That said, this is not a great film, but it does have it’s merits, it’s irreverent, it’s crass, it’s crude, and for what it’s skewering, it’s not half bad. If you’ve been subjected to the Twilight series thus far, rolled your eyes and wondered what exactly do people see in this garbage, Vampires Suck will serve as a train wreck that exploits a large handful of the problems, inconsistencies, and directorial choices that have lead to the misery you’ve felt. To that end it’s delicious, but only delicious in the way you might compare a happy meal to a cut of prime rib. Probably not worth shelling out the big bucks for this one, but perhaps a rental for a mindless watch later. Vampires Suck is rated PG-13.

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