Conan the Barbarian
In the time of kings, Barbarians, battles, and dark magic a barbarian woman is slain on the battlefield. In her last moments, her son Conan (Jason Momoa) is delivered to this world. Born of the blade, and taught the ways of the warrior Conan is raised by his father, Corin (Ron Perlman). But, when the evil Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and his daughter Marique (Rose McGowan), a dark sorceress, kill Corin and destroy his tribe, a fire is stoked inside Conan. Now on a lifelong mission to avenge his father’s death Conan is challenged to reach his full potential, but, before he can rest he will also need to protect Tamara (Rachel Nichols), the last of the necromancer’s true blood line.
Now, let’s be clear about this from the start. This is a barbarian film, it’s about blood, guts, testosterone filled battles, womanizing, you know, the typical barbarian lot. To expect anything less or anything really “serious” seems a bit lofty. That being said, for what it is, it’s not half bad. Yes, there’s plenty of CGI. Yes, the dialogue is thin and even laughable at times. Yes, that really is Rose McGowan overacting in possibly her worst role to date. Yes, Ron Perlman looks like Will Ferrell with a beard. No, Jason Momoa isn’t anywhere as physically large as Arnold on roids was. And No, no camels were punched in the making of this film, but a horse does get bonked. Honestly, this is a barbarian film! Can we really expect Lord of the Rings caliber? Simply, no…nor should we, you can’t get sunshine all the time right? But you can get something entertaining, distracting, and maybe worthy of a matinee. By the way, the 3-D on this doesn’t do a damn thing, if you can avoid it, do so. Conan the Barbarian is rated R.